Yeesh. I am such a lazy blogger lately. But, today, for a change... an actual post. About a couple things. I'm totally self-um.. copying. Not the right word, but I just took a whole bunch of calcium as muscle relaxants and I'm veeeery mellow right now.

First off, I'm copying my comments from a recent entry of a friend, and putting them here. I wrote the comments on very little sleep, and I don't like some of what I said in my first comment so my friend with the entry deleted the first comment. (I posted 3 comments...) So here are the second two comments I posted :

"And yet? I hope. I think as screwed up as we all are in this generation, I think there is hope. Was it you and I talking about us being the "talk it out" generation? How, the generation before us more or less sucked it up and moved on? And we seem to want to talk about everything. Talk it out. Talk it aaaall out. And not that that's bad. It's not good to keep it inside. Sometimes I think I'm just talking myself in circles, and that of course I'll meet someone who likes me back and we'll get married and have lots of babies and it will be fine.

And sometimes it just seems like I'm expecting too much to think that. I'm not trying to come down on myself, I'm just saying that while yes, I'm fabulous and I agree that people should have noticed this by now, but they haven't. And I'm trying to be realistic. What are the chances? Maybe I'll keep watching the empty chair next to me, waiting atoms to spontaneously appear in the blankness of space that is matter, for a physicist to appear and buy me an ice cream cone.

Maybe we just get in our own way, you know? Holding people at a distance until they get tired of not getting close. But whew, at least we dodged a bullet, eh? Eh?

In a comment in another blog, you talked about not letting past pain keep you down, that we should all jump in wholehearted to the next relationship. But what about future pain? Is it any less important to not let future pain hold us back?

For me, it's usually not past or future, what whatever is going on at the time. I dont have opportunities at the moment, but maybe I'm not seeing them because of the maybe maybe maybe's floating around in my head.

I've only really ever liked 2, maybe 3 guys in my life, if you can count anything you feel at 12 as real. Anyone else has been the hopeful part of me saying "Cheer up, there may be another." But I always felt strange about it. Like I was stepping on the hope I had for the guy I'd actually liked. Though we all know how those have turned out in the past, eh?

Maybe. Maybe maybe. It's one of the best and worst words in the world. Hope and despair at once,eh?

This has to be the lack of REM talking."
*end of comments*

So relationshippy stuff has been on the brain. As always. But this weekend, I had a lot of fun with people and I didn't feel alone.

Saturday afternoon I went to a family reunion. It wasn't a big one, just my dad's brother and sisters and their kids and grandkids. It was amazing. Part of the reason I love my friends so much is that they're so different from me, and introduce new ideas in that way. I mean, we're also alike on many levels, which is why I can relate to them. But sometimes I feel like I'm more weird than different. Until this Saturday. I stepped into my uncle's home and all of a sudden I was surrounded by these loving people who were Just. Like. Me.

I'd thought "Anything for a laugh" was a motto in my immediate family, just my parents and I. I was gladly mistaken. It's genetic. My aunts and uncles have all done outrageous things and risked humiliation because it *might* make someone laugh. They are all compelled to puctuate their stories (and oh, how they love to tell the stories!) with sound effects and crazy expressions and wild gestures.

They are goofy and nerdy and quick to praise each other. They are nervous for a few minutes and then they want your opinion on string theory. They are quick to build up the ones they love without tearing anyone else down, but are just as quick to relate an almost embaressing story. (Just embaressing enough to be funny without hurting the person the story is about.) But, more often than that, they will relate an embaressing story about themselves. Because, of course, making people laugh is the Most Important Thing.

I do relate to the other side of my family, and I love them. They are also smart and funny, with a slightly more biting wit. But how I relate to them isn't quite the same.

I haven't seen my dad's side of the family in a while, which is why I haven't had this personal revelation before. (One of my aunts didn't recognize me, and I got a double take from some of the cousins.) I mean, I've always enjoyed how clever and funny and smart that side is. But I think I'm at an age where I can more fully appreciate the importance of knowing where one comes from. And when I stepped into that room, I knew.

I knew why I'm weird sometimes and nerdy and silly. I realized one of my cousins stutters slightly when he's unsure, like I do. I realized I'm not the only person who will run a joke to DEATH if at all possible. I realized I'm not the only one who has to make extreme faces and has to change the sound of their voice for every story they tell (I wish I'd gotten some of the stories on camera. They are hilarious.)

I was the first to leave the reunion (it was wrapping up anyway) and even though I haven't seen most of them in a while, they all gave me such tight hugs. I was so genuinely happy when I left. I wasn't tired or drained from my trip. I wasn't worried that anything I said might be misconstrued. I felt such love. I almost cried when I left, just from the joy of recognizing myself in someone else. Or maybe recognizing them in me. I am not alone. I needed a reminder that there is this incredibly happy and positive side to me.

Then, at around 4, I left the reunion as it was wrapping up, to go to a party with some friends with whom I'm just as close to as family. Dom was kind of enough to stop through on his way up to the party and let me ride up with him. (My family said you're pretty suave, by the way, Dom. And having a good looking guy pick me up totally improved my image with the family.) I'm used to driving that stretch of highway alone, so it was really nice to have company. I love the point in a friendship where you can be both comfortable talking and not talking. It was to just chill to some good music, chat a bit, and chill some more. I probably could have talked the whole way about my reunion, but I realized I could only say "Wow, they were so awesome," only so many times before it would have turned to babbling. I try to be a considerate co-traveler. Anyway, thanks again, Dom, for the ride!

So we arrive at the party and proceed to have a marvelous time. I got to hang out with some friend I haven't seen in a while, talk about my some of my more obvious physical features (apparently, I'm bringing sexy back), and dance until I pull a muscle in my leg. Note to self: no more bouncy/jumpy dances in a while. If I had actually jumped at the jumpy dances, I think I would have been fine. But, I was trying to be modest and not dislodge my undergarments (which probably would have happend with jumping). The only thing that would have made the dancing more fun was if I actually knew the Lindy Hop. I'll have to trade Lindy lessons for tango lessons next time I'm in Milwaukee.

Anyway, I had a blast. Afterwards we went to eat at a local diner. More almost innapropriate jokes were made and a good time was had by all.

After saying goodbyes, another good friend of mine, Jake, drove me home. We always pick up where we leave off, so it was a good and comfortable ride home even though I haven't talked to him in about a month or three.

All in all, it was a fabulous weekend, and worth the pulled muscle. I got to reconnect with some family that makes me make so much more sense to myself, spend some extra time with two of my favorite boys, and dance the night away.

And, in case you missed the lazy blogger, a Blogthing:

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"